darkest before dawn
by captain of the seven seas
Summary: besides, you can't have sex with a corpse. /jal&tony/ in which tony attends four funerals in six years and skips one.


a/n: a crack pairing i have been obsessed with for quite some time. this is a comeback fic because i haven't written in so long. kinda rusty, but i am super proud of this because i finally finished a fic! and in skins too. i'm hoping for some feedback because i might be inspired to make another fic *hint-hint* in another pairing. also, i apologize for the horrible title which has no relevance to the actual story whatsoever. i suck, i know.

disclaimed.

* * *

looking for heaven, found the devil in me.  
shakeitout ; florence&themachine.

* * *

_one_;

cassie's funeral was a blur.

there are only a few things he remembered.

like, he remembers how cassie's tomb was a shiny black one adorned with colorful roses and showered with glitter.

he certainlyremembers michelle's tear stricken face and how he panicked because goddamnit, he has never comforted his girlfriend before and he has no idea how to do it.

he remembers running to the back of the ainsworth's house, only to find jal, composed and mature jal, crying her eyes out in the pantry.

he remembers sitting beside her and even if he has never comforted a girl before, he remembers wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

he remembers his lips touching her temple, before moving down to kiss her cheek. he remembers her turning abruptly to ask him _what the heck are you doing tony _but her lips meet his and suddenly they fall to a frenzy.

and he remembers them fucking in a tiny cupboard, jal crying and shouting, him smirking and groaning and how in that moment, he feels alive.

but then that moment is up and jal wipes her tears and fixes her hair and after planting a chaste kiss on his lips, walks out of the cupboard without a second look.

he remembers that a few hours later, his eyes lock with jal's and how she flashed him a miniscule smile before breaking the stare.

and that was the first time.

* * *

_two_;

anwar's funeral was strict.

it was absolutely stick-in-the-ass kind of strict.

he remembers staying in only one corner of the room, because anwar's father was strict as hell and wasn't too keen on letting them mingle with their family.

he remembers sitting next to sid, because michelle was somewhere else and couldn't go.

he remembers sneaking glances at the beautiful musician three seats away, and how when their eyes finally locked, she didn't look away.

he remembers her nodding lightly, her black eyes rimmed with tears and a silent agreement.

it has become a habitual thing for them.

he remembers them kissing frantically all the way home, how she kicked her door open because _oh god i need you know _and how they fell into her bed, destroying the poor mattress with their rough, desperate blank-making.

-and no, it's not love. it's more like one-of-my-best-mates-are-dead-and-i'm-desperately-in-need-of-a-distraction making-

he remembers her scream, rougher yet more melodic than before. he remembers her smile afterwards and how she tossed him his clothes and pushed him out gently, planting a kiss on his lips.

that was the second time.

* * *

_three_;

effy's funeral was messy, for the lack of a better word.

her 'friends' ran around in tears, passing joint to anyone wanting one.

he remembers pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to distract himself from the pain.

he remembers jal, out of place from the throng of effy's younger friends. he remembers how his heart throbbed loudly, because jal was the only one who came.

maxxie was in new york, sid's aunt also died that same week and michelle was in some sort of business meeting in france. anwar and cassie were obviously out of the picture and tony chooses not to remember chris, jal's dead ex-boyfriend and one of his best mates because it hurt too much and the guilt comes in a truckload.

he remembers her walking up to him, engulfing him in a hug, smelling like wood and something oh-so-sweet, and he remembers how much self-control it took him not to kiss her in the middle of the crowded room.

he remembers pulling her upstairs then practically devouring her in his room. he remembers putting one of effy's records on and playing it loud enough so that when they fucked, the music covered the moans and the groans and the loud squeaking of his bed.

he remembers her squeezing his hand and telling him that it's okay and he remembers feeling a little bit freaked out because they never really talked before. he remembers her long fingers dancing over his bare chest and how he just melted into her touch, his chin tickled by his loose hair.

he remembers her standing up and kissing him, but it's a bit rougher than before and how she didn't leave afterwards but instead helped him get dressed then go down.

he remembers jal smiling and talking to his father about mundane things and distracting him and he remembers how afterwards, his father pulled him aside and told him that he _likes that little black girl way better than that michelle slut. _

he remembers the corning of his mouth lifting up in a tiny smile and he remembers saying in his head that _little by little, i'm liking her better too. _

and that was the third time.

* * *

_four_;

michelle's funeral was the absolute fucking worst.

she died only a week after effy, her plane from france crashing on the way home.

he remembers shaking with anger and sadness and everything in between. he remembers seeing jal cry so hard, her fingers are shaking. he remembers sid holding her tightly, even though he's trying to keep his tears in too. he remembers maxxie singing a lullaby softly, making her sob harder.

he remembers pulling her wrist roughly, yanking her to his car. he remembers their friends confused faces, but a glare from him silences them. he remembers driving to his apartment, his eyes blurred with tears.

he remembers them kissing, kissing so hard that he feels his lips being cut. he remembers them fucking, pure and unadulterated sex, because michelle was his girlfriend and michelle was her bestfriend and it was too much grief to be gentle.

he remembers screaming so hard he gets hoarse and how she moaned so loud the neighbors next door banged on their door for half an hour.

he remembers the hurt that followed, how they cried so hard on his bed. he remembers hugging her tightly and _i loved her so much _and how she sobbed _me too. _

he remembers them sleeping throughout the afternoon and how jal kissed him awake and how they scrubbed all memories away and them dressing up to return to the funeral.

he remembers driving her to the funeral and how before she went, she kissed him so, so hard, half his lipstick was smeared all over his lips and teeth. he remembers how she went first and he followed so that it wouldn't be obvious.

he remembers sid's stare and how when he returned the gaze sid shook his head ever so softly and how he never looked at sid for the whole duration of the burial because it hurt too much.

and that was the fourth time.

* * *

_fifth_;

the fifth funeral was jal's.

he remembers nothing, because he didn't attend.

all he recalls is sid shouting at the phone _get your ass over here stonem. i swear maxxie will kill you if you're not here. i know you guys have been having sex. face your fucking fears and come here right now._

he remembers stopping his rant _i'm not afraid of the fact that jal's dead _even though deep inside he knows he is because the only girl (after michelle, of course) he ever loved is now dead too.

he remembers sid sighing _then why won't you come here?_

he remembers smirking at the phone, even though his eyes are slowly filling up with tears _because i'm busy. _and when sid muttered bullshit, he added _and besides, you can't fuck a corpse, can't you?_

he hangs up.

there was never a fifth time.


End file.
